Shoot the Looters in New Orleans. Just shoot them. Now.

I have never witnessed anything in my life that has made me feel more disgraced and infuriated at the jaw-dropping stupidity of the masses, and less proud to be part of the human race, than the chaos that has enveloped New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

I would draw a clear line between those that are rummaging for basic necessities like food and water (indeed, I think these people have what's called a "necessity defense" in legal circles) and those that are pushing shopping carts full of Nike sneakers around. To the former, I say that I'm sorry for your loss and that, for lack of a better alternative, I've donated some money to the Red Cross that my company is going to match. To the latter, I hope you said your prayers.

Let me see if I get the logic right. A helicopter is coming to save me, so I'll throw rocks at it. A hospital staff that is stretched to exhaustion is trying to get babies to safety, so I'll help out with some sniper fire.

Look, I am staunchly libertarian and I have huge issues with the government doing much of anything that affects American citizens. But this week I am not having much difficulty saying this: American troops need to line up anyone hauling a plasma TV through the flooded streets of New Orleans and simply put a bullet in his or her skull. I'm sorry, but if you think that this is the time to score that DVD player you've always wanted and can smile into a camera against the backdrop of the shattered remains of your hometown, then I'm quite confident that none of us will miss you. Say hi to Hendrix for me.

But I'm flexible. Instead of shooting looters, many other options are available, such as:

• Tying a cinder block to their necks and drowning them in toxic water.
• Burning them alive and pouring their ashes into sandbags to patch the levees.
• Lashing them to rickshaws to transport deserving refugees to safety, taking a route through the most heavily snake-infested areas possible.
• Something involving fire ants and honey.
• Transporting them to the AstroDome and putting Supercross: The Movie on the big screen.

Words cannot adequately express the outrage, the embarrassment. At a time when people are dying in vain to establish some semblance of order in Iraq, how disheartening it is to see lawlessness running amok on our own streets. And I can't help but note that the National Guardists in Louisiana and Mississippi, as well as the equipment that would have been nice to have on hand are where? In Iraq, that's right. Dying for our inept, idiot liar of a President. That's right.

I am furious.