GOD NOW OFFICIALLY YOUR COPILOT

The Vatican has released Ten Commandments related to road rage. One has to ask, why? The Vatican is an increasingly obscure institution with little to say that is remotely relevant to modern times. Correction: I guess if you consider, for example, railing against birth control in overpopulated, famine-ridden countries, then yes I suppose they do have something to say. Just not anything worth listening to.

Pray tell, what does the Bible say about how to handle oneself during rush hour? Idiots.

INVESTIGATORS: WHAT WENT WRONG WITH 200 MPH DRAG RACE DOWN NARROW, PROTECTIVE-BARRIER-FREE STREET LINED WITH THOUSANDS OF ONLOOKERS?

I'll dispense with the caveat that this is a tragedy etc. etc. upfront, but perhaps this would be bigger news if no one had been killed. Especially on the heels of the other recent footage of a drag racing car careening into spectators that were mere feet away, should anyone really be shocked when a drag racing car careens into spectators that were mere feet away? If only there had been some way to see this coming.

Shiny thing go vroom, vroom. Make big noise. Zzzzzzzzzzzz...

IRONIC HEADLINE

"TODAY" SHOW PLAYS ANIMATION FOR 2012 OLYMPICS IN STORY ABOUT HOW THE ANIMATION TRIGGERS SEIZURES

I first saw the logo for the 2012 Olympics in London yesterday. It is one of the ugliest things ever, and I can only imagine what its creation cost.

People are calling for a redesign, kind of like they did when Atlanta's ill-fated mascot "Whatizit" was unveiled. (Yes, let's give the mascot for an international event a name that's a joke that only plays in English).

The website for the London Olympics also features a rapid, flashing animation that some are claiming causes epileptic seizures.

So how does the "Today" show cover this potential health hazard? By showing the animation, of course.

SOMEONE FINALLY RESPONDS TO WORLDWIDE NON-DEMAND FOR "CLINICAL STRENGTH" DEODORANT

Another in the recent rash of bizarre "new and improved" products of highly questionable value: Clinical Strength Secret brand deodorant. There are any number of products that are at least somewhat embarrassing to purchase in a pharmacy or to be discovered in one's medicine cabinet, but how bad does it have to be to require a clinical strength deodorant? "Excuse me, clerk, but regular over-the-counter deodorants simply won't do because, you see, I sweat so much and smell so bad that I should probably just check myself into a hospital."

Along similar lines, I recently saw a car commercial that touted a "heartbeat sensor" that would detect if an intruder was inside your car as you approached it. Outside of the world of horribly cliched film and television, does this ever actually happen to anyone?