BABYTALK ALSO SURPRISING EFFECTIVE ON INANIMATE OBJECTS
After several days of no sleeping and talking to our new baby, I found that I was just muttering babytalk almost constantly, whether or not the baby was around. The following is a short list of items reassured that they were "doing a good job": a bag of chips; a load of laundry; miscellaneous furniture; a pair of pants I was putting on; and my left contact lens.
WORLDWIDE VIEWERSHIP OF TIM ALLEN'S "ZOOM" NOW AT FOUR
I am a bad movie enthusiast. One of the advantages of being awakened a few hours a night is that I can take in our portable DVD player and watch some movies that I simply don't get to watch because "there's no [expletive] way" that my wife would watch them voluntarily. Tim Allen's "Zoom" -- kind of a mix between X-Men, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and a rusty dentist's drill -- is one of the worst things I've seen in recent memory. Does Smashmouth produce music that isn't used exclusively in lousy Disney films anymore? This one was just wall-to-wall Smashmouth.
INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE CONSULTED TO KEEP INDISTINGUISHABLE CHARACTERS STRAIGHT
On another bad movie point, we also recently watched "The Covenant," directed by frequent offender Renny Harlin (Driven, Deep Blue Sea, etc.). The characters were completely interchangeable and the good guys looked exactly like the bad guys, and even two of the good guys looked the same. We had to use thumbnails of the actors at IMDB
"IS IT SMART TO SERVE PEOPLE IN A HOSPITAL WEIRD FISH"
Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or her overly serious tone, but I have not stopped laughing since my wife said this. Maybe you had to be there (and to have seen the fish).
EMOTIONAL SCARRING OF CHILD WELL UNDERWAY
My wife dressed Oliver up in a dog suit for his trip home from the hospital. I want to keep a secret file of humiliating and embarrassing moments that I can bring out once he starts dating.
