HEINEKEN COMMERCIAL TAKES FINAL STEP OF HAVING BEER ACTUALLY COME OUT OF SCANTILY CLAD WOMAN

Beer advertising has long contained the implied (and dubious) promise that drinking the product equals sex. In the commercials -- as in the real world -- gorgeous women are irresistibly drawn to oafish clowns eager to objectify them.

The final frontier has now been crossed. A new Heineken ad actually features a "fembot" that is able to produce a keg of beer out of her ribcage.

CHILD SAFETY EXPERTS: TINY, BITE-SIZED MAGNETS MAY POSE HEALTH RISK

Being new parents, my wife and I are now much more aware of reporting on recalls of children's toys and so forth. Anyway, I'm watching CNN this morning and they are talking about the latest recall of lead-laced Chinese toys (this one is Mattel), and this grave-faced reporter is demonstrating that magnets can also be a hazard. The thing was that the magnets he was holding were tiny and round, about the size and shape of a peanut M&M.

Sorry, but I don't really need an "expert" to tell me that this could be a problem. "Up next, bad news about letting your child teethe on chocolate-covered ball bearings..."

IDIOT ON FOODSTAMPS USES THEM TO BUY RED BULL

One of my pet peeves is being in line at the grocery store behind someone who is on foodstamps. I don't begrudge people who temporarily need a helping hand -- though I do question whether the government is the one in the best position to help effectively -- but what consistently amazes me is the absolute rubbish that people on foodstamps are invariably buying. Whether it's some high sugar faux juice or an extra large pack of Cheetoh's, you just have to ask, "Um, if you have found yourself in this position in life, do you think that perhaps you should be buying milk, eggs, bread and other staple foods?"

So, this morning I was in line behind someone this morning who was using foodstamps to buy Red Bull. Come on!

As an interesting aside: apparently Kansas foodstamps will not cover a four-pack of Red Bull but they can be used to buy single cans. Good job, government. Way to go.