BID FOR ENTRY INTO ACCIDENT-PRONE HALL OF FAME GOING SMOOTHLY

In the past few weeks, I have injured myself in truly heroic variety of ways. I have:

1. Slammed my foot in the back door after coming home from a Sunday in the office, leading to a short fight with Amy about how I could have possibly come home "grouchy" under those circumstances.
2. Had a heavy oak headboard fall squarely onto my right calf, leaving an impressive divot in the muscle that is still there three weeks later. The ability to "walk in a non-hobbled fashion" has only recently returned.
3. Slipped going down the basement steps, which combined with #2 above, has yielded acute lower back pain that has fundamentally challenged assumptions that I can engage in activities enjoyed by the average octogenarian.
4. While totally sober, tripped over a riser at a dance night at the Black Cat, twisting my ankle and careening into two strangers and a large speaker. (I rallied later by leading a small group of friends in chanting "Whoomp, there it is" along to an unrelated song...astonishingly while still totally sober.)
5. Jammed my knee into a pointed edge while stepping over our dog gate.