BUSINESS TRAVEL: PART DEUX

Took another business trip recently...

DON'T WANT TO RUSH TO JUDGMENT, BUT HYSTERICAL WOMAN RUNNING IN FRONT OF ROLLING, EMPTY CAR MAY HAVE DONE SOMETHING STUPID

I didn't even get to the airport before having something blogworthy. I was in my lane to exit to the airport, when I noticed that a car in the distance was having car trouble, so I got over a lane to get by it. As I got closer, I saw a woman waving her arms wildly. I assumed that she was trying to flag down help. As I got closer still, I realized that she was running. As I got even closer, I realized that she was running in front of her car, which was rolling downhill. The hood was up and there was no one in the driver's seat. I was just glad to get by her and make my flight, though I was curious how it turned out.

EXPERT ON EVERYTHING ABLE TO DETECT BLATANT SARCASM, REPORT IT TO OTHERS

I hate waiting in lines at the airport and overhearing some blowhard ramble on and on about everything he/she knows about travel, airports, anything. The guy behind me was sharing lots of information with his disinterested companion, everything from how it can be bad if your check-in line and the security line are both long to the relative fairness of pricing at the airport's PGA store.

Anyway, there was some kind of incident at the security checkpoint. A couple of Middle Eastern men were told that they had to leave the check-in area; I don't know if they didn't have tickets or what exactly the problem was. There were some raised voices and eventually the men agreed to leave. As they did, the woman running the checkpoint -- absolutely dripping with sarcasm -- waved, smiled and said "Have a nice day!"

Mr. Expert's analysis: "When she said 'have a nice day,' she was being sarcastic. I could just tell."

CONCEPT OF "LINE" DOES NOT APPLY TO WOMAN FOR SOME REASON

So, I'm in line to buy a Diet Coke and gum before getting onto my flight. Someone is currently being helped and a few people get in line behind me. Then, this one woman ambles up on the side with her People magazine and goes up to the cashier when I was next. What the f***? I guess it was an emergency. I mean, Kenney Chesney was telling his side...finally!

SLEEP PREVENTED BY CONCERNS THAT "RELAXING NATURE SOUNDS" ARE DISTURBING OTHER HOTEL GUESTS

I need background noise to sleep, and I purchased a clock that has relaxing nature sounds like surf, crickets, etc. I plugged it in to help me go to sleep in the hotel and began to drift off to sleep. But then I was getting worried that the seagull sounds on the "surf" option might be bothering the people in the rooms next to mine. I worried about it so much that I couldn't go to sleep and eventually got up and turned the clock off.

HEROIC T.S.A. EMPLOYEE NARROWLY PREVENTS FATIGUE-ADDLED MAN FROM INADVERTENTLY ENTERING WOMEN'S RESTROOM IN AIRPORT

Lest anyone think that I am incapable of doing something dumb myself.

DO PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FIGURE OUT AIRPLANE SEATBELT ON THEIR OWN DESERVE TO SURVIVE EVEN A MINOR INCIDENT?

I think we should replace the standard take-off speech with a statement that instructions on how to use the seatbelt will be available through the cabin door once we take off.

FOOTREST IN PROHIBITED "DOWN" POSITION APPARENTLY ENDANGERS LIVES OF EVERYONE ONBOARD

I am the guy on the plane that glares at people who stay on their cell phones after the announcement is made to turn off electronic devices and hates people that have their seats even slightly reclined while landing. However, the guy across the aisle from me was reprimanded for having his footrest down during takeoff and again during landing. I see, so if this plane piles into the side of a mountain, that footrest could make a life-or-death difference to anyone? Come on.